THE RAIN IN SPAIN …

May 17th, 2013

Had a great four day sin international schools in Spain with Book Box International. Great to go back to Caxton College and then on to Barcelona, The British School and St Paul’s.

It was a real privilege to perform for them.  Y 8,9,10 were especially receptive – moreso than their UK counterparts! No cynicism or edge, but a warmth, innocence and sophistication about them which made them a fantastic audience. Thanks.

See you all again sometime

Paul

SNEAK PREVIEW OF NEW BOOK: IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE

December 20th, 2012

 In February 2013 Macmillan publish the follow up to IT’S BEHIND YOU – IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE – alien poems by myself and David Harmer, with fabulous illustrations by Carl Flint. Here’s a page from the book – enjoy …

TARANTULATOR

Half alien creature, half machine Eyes that glow both red and green Robot spider terminator
Look out – Tarantulator

Look out – Tarantulator

Eight long legs – multi-jointed Spikes and spots – poisoned, pointed Predatory aggravator
Look out – Tarantulator
Look out – Tarantulator

Venom in those vampire fangs Do not feel those hunger pangs Threads and webs of steel creator Look out – Tarantulator
Look out – Tarantulator

Radioactive hairs that quiver Saliva like an acid river Inter-species space mutator Look out – Tarantulator

Look out – Tarantulator

It’ll be back – to see you later Look out – Tarantulator
Look out – Tarantulator

Paul Cookson

FERGIE TIME!

December 19th, 2012

A phrase that everyone knows is “Fergie Time” – when Manchester United get time after the 90 minutes so they don’t lose … hence the poem ( tongue in cheek )

FERGIE TIME

 

If the score looks like disaster

Chews that chewing gum much faster

It’s a sure-fire certain sign

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

The more and more his anger shows

The more his nose glows like a rose

Flushing like a red, red wine

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

Fergie Time, it’s Fergie Time

When they’re level or behind

It’s a crime if they can’t find

Those extra minutes – Fergie Time!

 

Bulging, bursting, blinkered eyes

Big and bloodshot, twice their size

Apoplectic on the line

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

Fingers jabbing at his watch

Hot Scot hopping mad hop scotch

Villain from a pantomime

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

Fergie Time, it’s Fergie Time

When they’re level or behind

It’s a crime if they can’t find

Those extra minutes – Fergie Time!

 

Never sees or agrees

Just disagrees with referees

Making out that they’re all blind

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

When he doesn’t hear the whistle

Bends the ear of the fourth official

Always got an axe to grind

Look out boys – it’s Fergie Time

 

Fergie Time, it’s Fergie Time

When they’re level or behind

It’s a crime if they can’t find

Those extra minutes – Fergie Time!

 

Stick it where the sun don’t shine

We’re all sick of Fergie Time      

BIG RED BLOOMERS!

December 19th, 2012

As many will know, I love Slade – and at Christmas most others do too. One of my favourite lines in the song ( and one of Noddy Holder’s too ) is

“Does your granny always tell you that the old songs are the best

then she’s up and rock and rollin’ with the rest ”

Plus, I love the word “bloomers” – so … put them both together and this poem appeared …

MAD DANCING GREAT GRANNY’S SHOWING OFF HER BLOOMERS!

 

She might start to rhumba

To a Bing Crosby number

Pretending that she’s younger – like the old fashioned crooners

She’s had a glass of sherry

Now she’s very merrry

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

Thick and red and flannelette – reaching to her knees

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

Lifting up her skirts so everybody sees

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

 

She can do the Can-Can

Better than my gran can

Quicker than my nan can – have you heard the rumours

A little tot of whisky

And she’s feeling frisky

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

You don’t stand a chance when Great Gran starts to dance

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

You can’t take your eyes of those old lady pants

Big Red Bloomers! x 2

 

A bit of jumpin’ jive

Like it’s nineteen sixty five

When Elvis was alive – with all the baby boomers

Her legs have gone all bandy

She’s been on the brandy

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

An exhibitionist that no-one can resist

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

Knickers in a knot every time she does the Twist

Big Red Bloomers! X2

 

It’s something of a shocker

That the vodka can unlock her

She’s a heavy metal rocker with the hell for leather looners

Add a gin and tonic

And her moves are supersonic

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

Scared how far she can go – when she does the tango

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

Don’t try to ban though – her fandango

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

 

Now she’s body popping

In her wrinkled body stocking

No chance of her stopping – should have caught her sooner

Half a glass of rum

Adn she’s bound to shake her bum

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

Twitching like she needs the lava-tory

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

Not what you’d call a knickerbocker glory

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

 

It’s only rock ‘n’ roll

But you know it’s time to go

When she’s got the mistletoe – and a wicked sense of humour

The old songs are the best

And she’s rocking with the rest

Mad dancing Great Granny’s showing off her bloomers

 

Thick and red and flanelette – reaching to her knees

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

Lifting up her skirts so everybody sees

Big Red Bloomers! X 2

TEACHERS EXPOSED!!!

December 19th, 2012

A couple of true stories recently …

Year 7 in Derby told me that their teacher  had bent down to pick up a pencil only for her trousers to rip! So she had to wear a cardigan to cover her embarrassment.

I mentioned this at a teacher’s conference in Essex where they told me that they had a better story – a male teacher sat on stage at a school leavers assembly ( with all kids and parents present ), unaware that the inside seams on his trousers were coming apart … continually … so much so that it was apparent ( to everyone but him ) that he was under wear-less … The situation became so drastic that the other staff decided the only way to avert this situation was to sound the fire alarm! Thus, the children were spared further blushes and the teacher was told about the embarrassment. He did return though to the assembly – having mended his trousers with the school stapler!!!!

Anyway, two poems about this …

OHHH MRS HARRISON …. SOOO EMBARRASSING!

 

Based on a true story … in a Derbyshire Primary School …

 

Another boring day in school and we were doing Maths

Long division guaranteed to silence any class

We weren’t expecting jollity, anticipating laughs

No-one had a clue of what would come to pass

Ohhhh Mrs Harrison … Sooo embarrassing!

 

Pacing round the room and her pen fell to the ground

Going to retrieve it she started bending down

The silence then was shattered by that stretching sound

Echoing around and around and around

Ohhh Mrs Harrison …. Sooo embarrassing!

 

Tearing through the air like a clap of ripping thunder

The trouser seam divided – rent asunder

From the waist at the back – to way down under

Hypnotised but traumatised – wide eyed wonder

Ohhh Mrs Harrison … Sooo embarrassing!

 

Maybe the material in question was too tight

Or the strain of the stitching from the stretching caused the plight

What happened next though wasn’t quite right

No-one in class forgot that sight

Ohhh Mrs Harrison … Sooo embarrassing!

 

The class began to giggle, laugh, point and stare

Couldn’t help but gawp and gasp, gulp and glare

At the trousers that divided into two parts there

With her face as red as her underwear

Ohhh Mrs Harrison … Sooo embarrassing!

 

We could see her embarrassment growing

Traffic light red like bright fires glowing

She ran from the room with everybody knowing

That she had to wear a cardigan to cover what was showing

Ohhh Mrs Harrison … Sooo embarrassing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CAUSE FOR ALARM!

 

Based on another true story in a school where a male teacher was sat on stage at a school assembly for parents and children, totally unaware that his trousers were splitting on the inside seams to reveal that he was wearing no underwear … thus rendering the only course of action available was to sound the fire alarm!

 

School hall – jam packed to the rafters

Sat on stage – the Headmaster

Unaware that disaster soon will chance its arm

Inner trouser seams unpeeling

There’s a gradual revealing

There’s no hiding or concealing – no cause for alarm?!

 

The shock, the horror and the scaring

The underwear he isn’t wearing

It isn’t just his soul he’s bearing or his natural charm

Embarrassment and nervous laughter

There’s no happy ever after

What to do? They’re gonna have to – sound the fire alarm

 

Full scale school emergency

As what’s emerging shouldn’t be

Seen in such young company – causing untold harm

It’s a line that has been crossed

Avert all eyes at any cost

All innocence destroyed and lost – sound the fire alarm

 

The ugly truthful revelation

Not left to imagination

Just the sort of situation nobody can calm

What’s on show – all can tell

On full view – far too well

Smash the glass – ring that bell – sound the fire alarm

 

 

 

 

 

SUMMER TERM DATES AVAILABLE

December 19th, 2012

Just a note to say that the Spring Term is now fully booked with trips to Taunton, Kuala Lumpur, Naples and Yorkshire amongst others.

So, I’m looking at the Summer Term – some dates are already taken but these are available at present:

April 8 – 12

April 15, 16, 25, 26, 29, 30

May : 1,2,3,6,8,9, 20,21

June 10,11, 17 – 21,25, 26

July 1 – 5, 8 – 12, 15 – 19, 22 – 26

If anyone wants any of these do feel free to contact me via email and we can sort something out. If you are many miles away from Retford ( and I don’t blame you ! ) you might want to see if there are other schools in your area who would like to join in.

Thanks,

Paul

SLADE POEM AND PIC

December 17th, 2012

skweeze2.pdf

Paul Live At Greenbelt 2012

December 17th, 2012

paul-at-greenbelt.jpg

ACTION SHOT FROM CAMBRIDGE FOLK FESTIVAL

December 14th, 2012

388039_446156155406954_1581064349_n1.jpg

Live on stage 2 at Cambridge Folk Festival 2012

NEW BLOG AT LAST!

December 13th, 2012

For those of you who have been trying to read any new blogs … firstly, sorry for the delay – been having the website updated. Secondly, welcome back after all this time ….

Life has been hectic and busy, with plenty of school visits, both here and abroad. It’s nearing the end of a really busy term and some fantastic schools and teachers – really fantastic schools and teachers. Thanks to you all.

I’ve spent a lot of time in Taunton – and shall be spending more time in Somerset in the new year. Looks like I’m going to dip my feet into the teacher’s conference market thanks to Maria Richards – watch this space!

Plenty of new poems on the go – I’ll be posting a few shortly …

Anyway, back on the blog!

Best,

Paul